


Not Fast Enough

by Latent



Category: Team Fortress 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-16 17:24:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 13,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8110981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Latent/pseuds/Latent
Summary: They had been refusing to fight. They locked their doors, let no others inside. The BLU team didn't know anything of what they were up to, or why they didn't try to take their intel.





	1. Too Slow

**Author's Note:**

> Another TF2 story? Well it's my only fandom.

They had been refusing to fight. They locked their doors, let no others inside. The BLU team didn't know anything of what they were up to, or why they didn't try to take their intel. The REDs had hidden theirs in an impossible location. The BLUs became desperate at some points and left their intel in the center of Well, where the trains met. They left their intel there, their weapons there, they left their machinery unguarded. Anything to try to get the REDs out of their base. None of it worked. They didn't budge. Occasionally they would see one or two of them passing by their windows, but no more than that. The BLUs became more desperate. They spent hours developing a plan, one that might just work.   
  
Every day at exactly 2:00 PM, the RED sniper leaves in his van to go into town a good hour away. The BLU spy was to cloak outside their garage door, and slip inside within the minute that it's open before the RED sniper closes it. He would then either go for their spy, the scout, or soldier. Spy because he would know the most. Soldier because he would TELL the most. Scout because he would be the easiest to drag back to the base.  
  
The first part of the plan went surprisingly well, with the BLU spy sliding in mere seconds before the garage door slammed shut. The next step, find one of the three chosen targets. He walked the halls slowly and cautiously, nearly being found out when the RED medic came barreling down the hall with the heavy right on his trail, the first of the two holding a strange medigun that BLU spy hadn't seen before. The BLU medic definitely didn't have that one. He made a mental note of it, just in case it was the reason for their lack of fighting. Were they working on new weaponry?  
  
He passed Engineer's workshop and was going to try looking inside, but the door was bolted shut and the small window was covered in a dirty black sheet. He could only hear the Engineer's and Demo's voice muffled from the inside. Odd. BLU spy continued further into their base, wondering how easy it would be to drag one of the REDs out with him without being caught. Soldier, one of the targets, ended up passing him. However he couldn't detain him because of the Pyro that was walking very closely behind him. Trying for the Soldier now was a deathwish.   
  
BLU spy went even further, almost to the back of the base now. Sniper and Spy were smoking together, so he couldn't go for him. The Soldier and Pyro were together, the Demo and the Engineer were together, Medic and Heavy were on the opposite side of the base, and here were Sniper and Spy. That would mean that the Scout was either in the Engineer's workshop and was just being silent, which was unlikely, or he was off on his own somewhere. BLU spy took the nearest flight of stairs up, and found himself in the hallway of their bedrooms. Each one was locked except for the Scout's, but he wasn't inside. Spy squinted at the unfamiliar scent, something of a mix between cherry and acid? He left the room, careful not to leave any signs of his presence. He went up another flight of stairs, searched the floor, and found nothing. Same as the next. Finally, he went to the roof. He didn't really expect to find anything. If the Scout hadn't been downstairs or anywhere else in the base, he most likely left with the Sniper for some reason.  
  
BLU Spy was surprised to see the Scout sitting on his own, legs dangling off of the base. He was sitting nearly motionless, without making a sound. Spy found this off... Especially since the Scouts were both known for being loud, restless, jittery, and twitchy. Yet here was the RED Scout, sitting still as a statue on the back of the RED base's roof.   
  
Spy approached slowly, and uncloaked. He watched for a moment, unsure of what to do. He was expecting this to be much more difficult. He would be able to knock out the Scout without a fight like this. But something made him hesitate for a moment... In the time that he was standing and staring, the RED Scout turned around and let out a yelp of shock. He lost his balance and fell off of the base, knocking himself out cold by hitting a ledge on the way down. Spy climbed quickly after him, lifted the child, and took off towards the BLU's base. Hopefully none of the REDs heard the commotion, and wouldn't notice him gone for a while.


	2. Interrogation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scout did a do

“That's a nasty bruise, Spy.”  
  
“I didn't give it to him. I was on the roof, he was on the roof, he saw me, got scared, and fell. I wasn't going to beat him up or anything, only use pressure points. However...”  
  
Scout could hear chatter that sounded like his teammates, but something felt off to him. His head was pounding, and he couldn't move his body. Not all the way. He could slowly feel more and more pain as he woke up, slowly getting feeling and movement back into his muscles. He heard someone say the word “water” and before he could fully wake up himself, a bucket of icy water was dumped onto the top half of his body.   
  
He sat up immediately, gasping for air, coughing up the water that found its way into his mouth. He heard the sound of shuffling footsteps around him. His head hurt, and all he could remember was losing balance and falling... The rest of the situation was a blur. He rubbed his eyes and looked around, seeing the fuzzy image of a mostly blue surrounding. This definitely wasn't his base, and these weren't his teammates. The Scout pushed himself back against the wall as fast as he could, a reaction the BLU team wasn't expecting. The RED Scout wasn't acting like himself. The once cocky, ignorant, and ready to fight Scout was cowering in a corner. For some reason, this caused the BLU team to treat him more like some scared animal than a trained killer.  
  
Engie stepped forward slowly and said in a calming voice, “Hey... We're not gonna hurt you or nothin', we just have a few questions is all...”  
  
The Scout's head was still spinning. Was the engineer trying to speak to him? He could only hear his muffled accent. The Scout only managed to mutter out “gimme a minute...” Before gripping the sides of his head and going into the fetal position. Twenty silent, awkward minutes passed before the BLU soldier broke the silence by yelling, “TIME'S UP, PANSY!” Engineer gave him a hard shove with his elbow, and kneeled down by the Scout.   
  
“All we wanna know it what's goin' on over there with y'all. The sudden change in behavior got us all curious.”  
  
The RED Scout studied all of their expressions without making it obvious to them. They looked... concerned, almost... why would the enemy team be CONCERNED about them? Scout thought about whether he should tell them what's happening with them or not.  
  
“Uh... nothin's going on...” he lied. Scout wasn't in the mood for getting them involved with this. The situation itself was just so weird and confusing, he wouldn't know where to begin.   
  
“Well we'd like to believe that son, but with how things have been goin' on, it's obvious that somethin's happenin'. We just want to help y'all out, alright? Nothin more. We may fight each other but that doesn't mean we're enemies.”  
  
Scout stayed silent for a little bit longer, and sighed. “Look, really, it's nothing. Just... just consider yourselves the winner or something, call a cease-fire, anything, just don't worry about it. Nothing's going on, and even if it was we can handle it on our own.”  
  
“Son, you're not leavin' here until you tell us what's wrong, cause it's obvious that something is.”  
  
Scout squinted his eyes and stood up abruptly in an attempt to maybe run away, but he was immediately the victim to a horrible, throbbing pain in his head that sent him back down to the floor. The BLU Engineer nodded to the Heavy and said, “Take him to the Medbay. Medic, you see what you can do about that headache.” He then got closer and added in a whisper, “See what y'all can do about him talkin. I don't mean anything evil, I mean maybe give him somethin' to relax him.”  
  
The two men nodded, and Heavy lifted Scout, who didn't really have the energy to fight him. What had he gotten himself into? They were trying to AVOID the BLUs, not end up in their medbay with a brain-splitting headache. What if what they're trying to hide gets revealed? RED Engie said that it was dangerous to be around the enemies. He said to lock the doors. Scout mentally scolded himself, making the headache even worse. How could he have been so stupid?


	3. Medic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the late chapter, we're on a school trip~

(Sorry about the late chapter, we're on a school trip~)  
  
In the Medbay, the Scout's head only pounded more. He could hardly make sense of anything going on around him. Why was he on an actual cot rather than the hard table on the other side of the room? Did the Heavy just put a blanket over him? Everything was spinning and twirling, lines didn't make sense. It was happening again. He should be at RED's medical bay right now getting their temporary antidote, not sitting in the BLU's medbay surrounded by confused BLU mercs. Scout wondered when the next stage would hit, and how his teammates were fairing on their end. Have they noticed his absence yet?  
  
Scout let his head roll to the side, and didn't bother listening to the BLU's conversations.  
  
“You seen this before, doc?”  
  
“Well I know of some things that are similar to it, though I'm not sure what could be causing this specific situation. Spy said that the Scout hit his head on the way down, and sure from 5 stories up that SEEMS like a lot, but we also need to take into consideration how resilient we are as people. We can get hit in the face by ROCKETS and be totally fine. So the fall from the roof shouldn't have actually done this much damage.”  
  
“So what you're sayin' is... you have no idea?”  
  
“Ja that's basically what I'm saying. But do not worry! I'm a doctor, I'm sure I can figure it out...”  
  
“No offense doc but your methods of solving problems ain't really the... safest.”  
  
“Don't worry mein hard-hatted freund! I will be extra careful with the RED Scout. I may be a little... insensitive most of the time but I'm smart enough to know that this isn't a situation to mess around in. Now my young patient, all you have to do is relax and we're going to solve your little problem, alright? Jus take some deep breaths, I promise it will be okay.”  
  
Scout was in such a weird state that he didn't even feel the needle go into his arm. The BLU medic noted that it had little effect, other than making Scout's breathing slow down for only a moment.   
  
“Hmm... interesting... The only way I can help you is if you explain to me what's going on.”  
  
The RED Scout whined as the other BLUs circled around him. How could he get his team to come after him? He got an idea, and hoped the BLU's wouldn't notice.   
  
The BLUs tried to understand Scout's muttering, but were just unable to. Meanwhile in the RED base, the Medic was alerted of the Scout calling for him and his position.   
  
The BLUs noticed how Scout suddenly seemed... different. It almost looked as if he was turning transparent. Before anything else could be observed, the RED Medic busted in and had the strange new medigun from earlier aimed at him.   
  
“Crisis averted!”  
  
Medic ran over and pulled Scout from the cot, shoving the BLUs asside. “It was fun seeing you all again but we would appreciate it if you didn't steal our Scout, thank you.”  
  
Before the BLUs could ask what was happening, how the Medic got there, or what the model of his medigun was, the two RED mercs had fled the scene.


	4. Awestruck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shot but interesting I think <3

# \----

 _“Merasmus is STILL looking for a spell to fix this?”_  
  
“Well, the first one he used was by pure accident, and he doesn't even know which one it WAS.”  
  
“I've never seen him actually feel BAD for someone he's done something bad to...”  
  
“What about when he caused a jarate storm during Halloween?”  
  
“That's an exception, literally anyone would feel bad for that.”  
  
The REDs chattered amongst themselves in the privacy of their locked-up base, while Miss Pauling listened in an scribbled on her clipboard at an alarming pace. She muttered things under her breath while writing, making sure she didn't miss any details.  
  
“Merasmus... unknown spell... respawn... Right! Alright guys, I'm afraid that you'll be unable to fight in these conditions. For now I suggest just doing what you have been, stay put here until we can help Merasmus locate a reversal. In the meantime I might be able to find you some jobs that can be done here, but other than that, I want none of you leaving the walls of this base. Don't want to accidentally lose any of you... With the exception of Sniper, who's able to pick up food with his truck.”  
  
With that, Miss Pauling stood and left. Medic gave everyone another blast from the strange new medigun, gave them all a small warning about what would happen if they disobeyed Miss Pauling's orders, and followed Engie and Spy down the small hallway. The three of them dispersed into their proper rooms; Engie to his workshop, Spy to his Smoking room, and Medic to the medbay. Heavy took a last bite of his sandwich and went after Medic.  
  
Scout pushed himself from his chair and wandered to the front of the base, looking out sadly at the stretch of battlefield that lay before him. What a shame to be locked up in the base, when there was so much room to run around. It made him think about things, which no one really expected from him. He hated thinking about things. Thinking about why they were here. What were they fighting for, anyways? The Mann brothers died. He knew because they pushed their corpses to Hell during one very strange Halloween. Scout wasn't too sure what they were still fighting for. It just seemed like a waste of time now. Did he consider those BLUs his enemy anymore? No. They didn't seem to think they were enemies either. Defintiely not friends, but not enemies. The only reason they ever fought in the beginning was because they were hired to. Scout kept thinking, and leaned against the window sill while doing so. What really WAS the point? He'd ask Miss Pauling, but she would likely tell the Administrator, who would probably have him permanently 'dealt with.' That's how the Administrator works.  
  
Scout frowned slightly, and studied the horison. Completely still, no sign of life anywhere. The same desert, the same scene. How long had it been like this, he wondered. Sniper was the only one who went beyond the desert anymore, and Scout didn't know if that was even true. The food he picked up always seemed like something he happened to come across at a gas station. When was the last time Scout ate a real meal that wasn't just thrown together at the base?  
  
Scout was surprised to find himself thinking like this. He never had time before, he was always too busy dodging rockets, being a distraction. He had time to sit, and he had time to relax.  
  
Was the administrator just keeping them busy? No, that can't be right... or can it? Scout thought harder, and his head hurt. Why would they need to be kept busy, always fighting... To train them to be war machines? He DID attack on impulse whenever he saw the color blue. They're also dangerous, every time they die they come right back, and they can survive rocket blasts to the face. Scout sighed and turned away from the window. Thinking right now made his head hurt.   
  
Meanwhile, Pyro was unsuiting in the room below him. With the removal of the gas mask came the long orange curls that spilled out of it. With a sigh of relief, Pyro set her mask on the table beside their bed. She looked in the mirror across the room and studied her features. Why was it so strange to see that face? Her own face? She couldn't even recognize it. How long was she under that mask? She couldn't remember ever being called anything other than 'Pyro.' It felt nice, but at the same time, it was horrible. She enjoyed having a title, but she didn't enjoy not having anything else. It was weird to her, really, that she looked in the old and cracked mirror to see a stranger.   
  
The other mercs shared this sudden feeling of loss and realization. Engie stared at the blueprints scattered around his workshop. He was a genius. A scholar. A man with not two, but ELEVEN hard science PhDs. Something impossible for a man his age, yet he's done it. He's even developed teleporters! But as he looked around his garage, he noticed that all of his plans, all of his work was the same. Identical. All for only four pieces. A sentry turret, an entrance teleporter, an exit teleporter, and a dispenser. Occasionally he passed by the plans for a mini-sentry. That itself was the biggest change. How long had he been making only these things?   
  
RED team was deep in thought, trying to remember their lives before this silly war. Try as they might, none of them could get anything. Only a few of them knew their own names, and that was it. Scout tried to remember his brothers. Soldier tried to remember his home. Pyro tried to remember where she came from. Heavy tried to remember his father. Demo tried to remember his old friends. Engie tried to remember his childhood. Medic tried to remember his highschool days. Sniper tried to remember his home cooked dinners. Spy tried to remember his name.   
  
All of them tried to remember who they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got in a mood.


	5. Untouchables

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More base shenanigans

# \-----

The BLUs continued to watch the RED's base. They weren't known for giving up easily after all. BLU sniper pointed out that the RED sniper was given a box by a masked figure. The symbol on the box was a circle, but unlike the TF logo, it was made up of eight separate parts, not four. That, and it was colored light blue, and not the familiar orange. Meanwhile in the RED base, Sniper passed the box on to Miss Pauling, who then gave it to the RED Scout.  
  
“Scout, this is a very important package from one of our business partners. They've asked us to test some of these for them, and I'm trusting you with it. They're called long fall boots. Just put them on and jump off of high surfaces, you shouldn't be hurt at all... as long as you land on your feet.”  
  
Miss Pauling turned to Spy and Soldier. “Soldier, you've worked with magic before. Spy, you're one of the only mercs that both has a patience and can read english. Merasmus sent some of his magic books over, and I'm going to need you two to study them and see if there's anything at all that can help fix this mess.” She handed the stack of old books to the two mercs, and sent them on their way. “Medic, I'm going to need you to see if you can develop some kind of... longer-lasting cure. The magic blocking medigun you've made in such short notice is incredible, but after what happened with Scout, I don't want to take any chances. Heavy, I assume you'll be tagging along with him anyways so I won't assign anything to you. Sniper, I'm putting you and Pyro on lookout. Pyro, spycheck. Sniper, don't shoot anything, but keep an eye out through your scope. Demo and Engie, set up small defenses around the main doors, and areas where anyone could sneak in. I've set up the security cameras all over, and I'll need you guys to keep an eye on it. I trust you guys with each of these tasks, alright? Don't let me down.”  
  
Back at the BLU base, a crime-investigator type scene was being set up in the BLU's sitting room.   
  
“Alright men,” began the BLU Medic, immediately taking charge. “Something VERY strange is going on over there. And we're going to figure out WHAT.”  
  
He pushed up the pull-down map to expose the whiteboard, where he started scribbling notes.  
  
“Let's see... We ALL saw that strange medigun. It almost looked like all of the mediguns combined, mixed with an Engineer's rescue ranger. The purpose of the gun doesn't seem to be healing, but I'm not sure what else it would be used for... Anyways. We also have how the RED Scout was acting. I would say that they've all had their personalities flopped but their Medic acted the same as always, so that's not it. Spy, what else did you notice while in their base?”  
  
“Nothing out of the ordinary.”  
  
“Hmm... Then perhaps we'll need to plan another break-in. This time we don't necessarily need to steal anyone, just... observe. Let's see.. Spy, Sniper, Scout and I are the fastest and probably the most elusive. Spy, get the extra invisi-watches. We're going in.”  
  
At the RED base, RED Spy and Soldier were aggressively searching through each book. Spy rolled his eyes at Soldier's strange method of 'reading.'  
  
“Are you sure that you actually know how to READ, Soldier?”  
  
“YOU BET YOUR FANCY TIE I KNOW HOW TO READ PRIVATE! WHY ELSE WOULD I BE HOLDING THIS BOOK?”  
  
“Not only is that just the book sleeve, but it's backwards and upsidedown.”  
  
“DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT? BECAUSE I DON'T. OORAH.”  
  
Scout and Miss Pauling were on the top floor, looking down at the bottom floor in the open area of their Well base.  
  
“When you're ready, just jump down. Even if the boots don't work properly, you'll be fine.”  
  
Scout nodded, and leapt from the top floor to the bottom. He grinned and gave Miss Pauling a thumbs up from below. “Worked perfectly.”  
  
“Good! We'll need you to wear them around for a while just to make sure. And hey, they make you taller. I'm going to leave the clipboard and pen up here because I need to check up with Demo and Engie in the security room. Fill out the chart there with all of the information. It's pretty easy, just stuff like if you felt pain or not. I'm sure you can handle it.”  
  
Miss Pauling left Scout there so that she could meet with Demo and Engie on the other side of the base. She stopped in the middle of an empty hallway, at least eight percent sure she heard something. After a minute of silence, she continued on.   
  
It was probably just a rat or something.


	6. Just Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's short but it'll dooooo~

# \------

“I HAVE FOUND A SPELL”  
  
“To fix this mess?”  
  
“NOPE!”  
  
“Don't cast the spell[.](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1B-EmpP2RE3dR6k_9TsgJIBDiVIzF8n6ur9hPOQ2bdwM/edit?usp=sharing)”  
  
“I AM CASTING THE SPELL[.](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1B-EmpP2RE3dR6k_9TsgJIBDiVIzF8n6ur9hPOQ2bdwM/edit?usp=sharing)”  
  
Within moments, the room was flooded with a mountain of sweet-smelling flowers and one large, mutant bee. The bee didn't have a stinger though, and seemed friendly. Spy rolled out of the flower mound and rubbed his temples.  
  
“Soldier, you're an idiot.”  
  
On the floor below them in the medical ward, Heavy and Medic were still hard at work developing a more permanent cure for their situation.  
  
“Perhaps if I use the uber mechanism, the effects will be longer-lasting.”  
  
“I thought uber did not last long?”  
  
“Usually, no. But because of the mechanics of this new medigun, I believe that the extra magic-blocking energy pumped into a body will manage to hold it longer. Maybe then we won't all have to wake up in the middle of the night in order to get another sucessful dose... Let's see. Do you mind being the uber test subject? I fear that if it goes wrong, anyone else other than you might... er... explode.”  
  
“Heavy accepts this.”  
  
“Wunderbar! Now...”  
  
Medic raised the medigun and aimed it at Heavy. He pressed back on the ubercharge switch, and held it steady as Heavy was ubered with the strange magic-blocker. After a few seconds of Heavy NOT blowing up, he ruled it a success.   
  
“Now, to see if it REALLY worked, we'll have to wait until you feel drifty again. If it's within the next hour or two, it didn't work. If it's later, it DID work. And if it DID work... then I'm going to have to uber our entire team. Which won't be hard or anything, but waiting for a charge is BORING.”  
  
“Doktor is very impatient.”  
  
“It's true!”  
  
On the total opposite side of the base, Engie and Demo were having an interesting paper ball throwing battle.  
  
“Aye, that one counts for two.”  
  
“And why is that?”  
  
“Because I made it with one eye covered.”  
  
“Demo, you do EVERYTHING with one eye covered.”  
  
“Lad I don't have depth perception, it's a miracle that I even made ONE shot.”  
  
Miss Pauling silently opened the door behind them and shuffled inside. She sighed and leaned against the wall, making her presence known.   
  
“Howdy Miss Paulin'!”  
  
“Hey there Engie.”  
  
“What are you doin' here?”  
  
“Well... I'm going to be honest with you. I'm... I'm not sure I can fix this. It's my JOB to fix things, to make all of these problems better, to... to fix YOUR mistakes... no offense.. I just... I can't fix this one. I don't know the first thing about magic. SOLDIER could do a better job at solving this than me. You could all fix this better than I can! At this point I'm pretty sure I'm just hanging around taking notes to feel like I'm doing something important... I've been trying to convince myself that I was definitely needed here but I'm pretty sure you'd all do just fine without me for this one because you've all used magic before... I'm sorry...”  
  
Engie and Demo spun around to face her completely in their chairs, concerned expressions on their faces.   
  
“Lass, you've gotten us out of more situations than you're giving yourself credit for. Sure you don't know anything about magic but it's not like someone like Engie knows anything about art. Yet he isn't a failure, is he? In my opinion, you're doing just fine.”  
  
  
  



	7. Drift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kinda explains their situation~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote an extra chapter todayyy~

# \-------

“You two smell like flowers.”  
  
“Believe me, we know.”  
  
Spy, covered with flower petals and a fruity smell, sat with hunched shoulders and lowered eyes at the table along with Soldier, Scout, and Miss Pauling. They were each teaking a short break from their assigned tasks and work. Miss Pauling glanced down and noticed the massive bee at Soldier's feet.  
  
“Oh my God Soldier, what the hell is that?!”  
  
“THIS IS BUZZY.”  
  
“I told him not to keep the bee.”  
  
“I KEPT THE BEE.”  
  
“But... WHY did you keep the bee?”  
  
“THIS BEE IS A PRIME EXAMPLE OF WHAT AN AMERICAN SHOULD BE. HARD WORKING!!!”  
  
Miss Pauling squinted and then rolled her eyes.   
  
“Well Scout, I assume you have something normal to tell me?”  
  
“I threw my baseball at the wall and then made the decision to roll on the ground after it.”  
  
“Nevermind.”  
  
She drummed her nails on the table in no specific pattern, thinking quietly to herself. By now Sniper and Pyro would have circled the perimiter of the base, right? They'll likely take a break soon. Engie and Demo would probably get cramped in the security room and come out for a little break as well. Miss Pauling pulled out her notebook and started scribbling notes once again in a desperate attempt to make something useful of herself. Maybe she couldn't solve this problem, but she could definitely make it more managable.  
  
Medic then strode in with Heavy lumbering behind him.  
  
“Good news! Heavy hasn't exploded yet. Bad news, we need to wait another thirty minutes to see if he starts drifting at the usual time again and I'm VERY impatient.”  
  
Miss Pauling grinned and sat up straighter, happily scribbling down what Medic had just told her.  
  
“What do you mean by explode?”  
  
“Weeell,” Medic started, glancing up at the ceiling. He pulled out a chair and sat down at the table with them, while Heavy leaned against the wall. “I wasn't sure if the three mediguns combined would make an uber too strong for the body to handle, so I tested with Heavy since he's the biggest. He said he felt nothing, so I'm sure it'll be alright.”  
  
“Ahh... and we have to wait thirty more minutes because?”  
  
“In thirty more minutes, the team will start to drift again, at their usual time. If Heavy remains stable, then the uber worked and blocked the magic further than a regular dose. As soon as the hour hits when we all start to drift, I'll need you, Miss Pauling, to start a timer and see how long afterwards it takes him to start drifting again. That way, I can rewrite a NEW schedule of which points I must uber our team.”  
  
“Right... because the schedule you're all on now has to do with the regular charges... Well that makes sense..”  
  
A moment of silence passed. Miss Pauling broke it by asking a question that she was unsure if it was sensitive or not.  
  
“So where was the last place any of you ended up after... drifting?”  
  
Scout leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, ready to tell what he remembered.  
  
“I drifted to a place that was run by human looking dogs.”  
  
“Anthropomorphic canines? Fascinating, Scout! I found myself in a place covered in darkness. It smelled like bloody cotton, and I believe I was outside in some sort of wilderness?”  
  
“Heavy found place with green sky and blue grass. Was very beautiful. There was also a large, six headed bear. I wanted to cook it for dinner but drifted back before I could.”  
  
“That's... interesting, Heavy... what about you, Spy?”  
  
“I don't want to talk about it...” He shuddered and made a gagging noise.  
  
Miss Pauling shrugged and turned to Soldier this time. “And you, Solly?”  
  
“EVERYWHERE I GO IS AMERICA, OF COURSE!!!”  
  
“He ended up in Hawaii about fifteen years in the future in a world where everyone had pink hair. Probably injured around 50 people.”  
  
“THEY WERE COMMIES.”  
  
“They really weren't.”


	8. Catch my Drift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey there BLUs

# \--------

“EVERYONE KNOWS THAT HAWAIIANS AREN'T REAL AMERICANS!”  
  
“Soldier, Hawaii is an American state.”  
  
“He's been refusing to accept it ever since '59.”  
  
Suddenly interrupting their conversations, the group of BLUs uncloaked in front of them. RED Scout screeched and fell backwards out of his chair. RED Spy slowly looked over at the BLUs, the most annoyed expression on his face. This was the last thing he needed today. Miss Pauling quickly ran from the room so that the BLUs could not question her. BLU Medic grinned and said,  
  
“So what's this magic and drifting situation we've just heard about?”  
  
“None of your business.”  
  
“It kinda is our business.”  
  
RED Scout, who still wasn't over falling off a roof and getting kidnapped, slowly backed out of the room and took off down the hallway. Making a split-second decision, BLU Scout took off after him. RED Heavy instinctively stood in front of Medic as if they were in battle. Spy shoved Soldier away and told him to go back and find more spells, fearing that if he stayed, he would spill everything.   
  
BLU Medic, Spy, and Sniper crossed their arms, waiting for an explanation. When they didn't recieve one, BLU Medic shoved past RED Heavy and approached RED Medic, grabbing his medigun.  
  
“What is this?!”  
  
RED Medic grabbed it back and growled, “Don't touch that!!”  
  
With another sudden entrance, RED Engie flung a side door open and shouted,  
  
“SCOUT'S DR- Wait what's going on here?”  
  
“Were you NOT watching the security cameras?”  
  
“Not the kitchen one, that was Demo's job!”  
  
“Didn't HE see it?!”  
  
“He's asleep!!!”  
  
“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?”  
  
RED Sniper has joined the party.   
  
“So look who finally showed up!”  
  
“OI!”  
  
“Everyone SHUT UP!!!”  
  
The room fell silent as RED Medic stood up on one one of the chairs.  
  
“Thank you. Now. I'm going to talk, and if you have a question, you will raise your HAND. First. BLUs. We are currently going through a severe situation here at the RED Base and we would appreciate it if you understood that and stopped bothering us. It's really none of your concerns what we're going through, just enjoy the cease-fire. And now, Engie, what were you saying?”  
  
Engie suddenly had his worried expression back. “Scout drifted.”  
  
The RED mercs looked shocked, and concerned.   
  
“Wait, really? Are you sure? It's not time yet...”  
  
“Yes I'm sure!! I saw it on the cameras!! The BLU Scout is over there tryin' to figure out what happened to him, and has no idea where to start...”  
  
“Well of course he doesn't...”  
  
“Hold on, what's 'drifting'?”  
  
“DON'T YOU HAVE LIKE, YOUR OWN BASE TO GET BACK TO?!”  
  
  
  
  



	9. Intermission Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just an intermission~
> 
> Where do you want the Scout to go?

“Do you have any way of contacting him?” Miss Pauling asked with a raised eyebrow as Heavy POLITELY REMOVED thir unwanted guests.   
  
“If it was anyone else I'd say no, but since he has his headset on, I'm sure Engie and I can find a way to get a hold of him even if he IS on the other side of the universe or something. Actually, we'll get started on that right now...”  
  
After just a single hour of vigorous science, Engie gathered Miss Pauling and the other REDs and crowded them into the security room.   
  
“I changed the mechanics around a bit and found a spell that MIGHT allow us to communicate with Scout.”  
  
“Really? Just like that? That's it? THAT EASY?”  
  
“...Yes? Of course the audio won't be perfect or anything and we won't be able to get him back through it, but we can at least talk to him a bit and figure out where he may be.”  
  
Engie turned the machine on and tapped the mic attatched to the table.  
  
“Scout, can you hear me?”  
  
“Engie? Yeah I can, thank God.”  
  
~~~  
So, where do you want the Scout to be? If I know the place I'll write that~ It can be anything!~~

 

This is just an "intermission chapter" so the next one will be much longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where do you want the Scout to go?


	10. Strike One, Two, Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bye scout

# \----------

“Where are ya, Scout?”  
  
“In another damn dimension what do you think?”  
  
“I mean DESCRIBE the area, Scout.”  
  
“Oh yeah! It's horrible. These people don't care about baseball and I'm pretty sure im like fourteen years old again or something.”  
  
“...What?”  
  
“Well Spy was a TREE in one universe it doesn't seem ILLOGICAL for Scout to be a teenager again.”  
  
“Do your clothes fit too?”  
  
“I'm wearin' like... different clothes, almost? Like same pants and socks and all and the Aperture boots, but my shirt is basically just my campus jacket and my bag's a backpack. Hat and headpiece though, still the same. Only thing that doesn't fit completely is my hat, which is a little big.”  
  
“And your voice sounds the same because you already sound like a whiney child.”  
  
“FUCK OFF.”  
  
“We're just playin' with ya. So, in this place, baseball doesn't really matter?”  
  
“No! It doesn't! They've hardly even heard of it. This is by far my least favorite dimension.”  
  
“Just hold tight... We'll think of something...”  
  
“How did you guys get back BEFORE this when drifting?”  
  
“Respawned ourselves. Whether it be by dropping off a cliff or popping one. But Scout's around people, and that means that someone's gonna find the body. Which we don't want because imagine finding a person's body that literally no one knows the identity of.”  
  
“Ooooh right...” Miss Pauling pulled the mic towards herself and said, “Scout, can you run off to some abandoned location and hurl yourself off of something tall?”  
  
“Uh, can't die by falling anymore because of the Aperture boots.”  
  
“Land on your head?”  
  
“I... seem to be unable to land on anything other than my feet after putting the boots on.”  
  
“Can't you take them off?”  
  
After a moment of silence and the sound of shuffling, Scout responded “No.”  
  
“Of course. Well my only advice now is just... to get yourself killed somehow or hire someone to dispose of you or something.”  
  
“Don't have cash on me.”  
  
“Just promise them your organs.”  
  
“You know damn well that my organs are not worth anything.”  
  
“Your lungs are. Maybe sell them your teeth and eyes.”  
  
“Engie I'm not selling my body parts.”  
  
“Then find a city, walk around, wait to get murdered.”  
  
Engie frowned and took the mic away from Miss Pauling. “Well maybe we can develop a way to get ya back... So stay there, and stay safe too. Can ya still run as fast, or are your legs too short now?”  
  
“Nah I'm still as strong and fast as usual. Maybe a little faster since I'm smaller.”  
  
“Alright... well keep a low-profile. Ignore everyone that approaches you. Find somwehere like an abandoned building to stay for now. We're going to try to find a way to get you back without having to respawn. Think you can stay out of everyone's way?”  
  
“That's kinda what I do for a job, pal.”  
  
The connection went flat, and Engie leaned back in his chair. “We'll be connected again soon enough. We can only talk to him for a little bit at a time.”  
  
“I just hope he'll be alright.”  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Scoutcidents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scout has an adventure

Scout rolled his eyes as the line died. “Typical.”  
  
He felt like his old self again, thrown into a strange new situation. Yeah, he could handle this. Ignore everyone, run around WITHOUT dying, blend in. Could do.   
  
He looked down at his clothes and boots, then sighed. “Okay, maybe not...” He then realized that there was a very easy way to solve this. Scout took off towards the large city, and scoped out the largest, most run down looking building. He moved towards it in the shadows, coming across the occasional cat, but this short journey was irrelevant. Scout looked through and behind dumpsters, near sewers, any hiding holes until after half an hour, he find a bottle of black spray paint that was most likely abandoned there after a tagger was spotted by the cops. Scout shook the can and painted his boots so that rather than looking like a science experiment, it just looked as if he was trying to make some sort of statement. The velocity challenge brace may look a little odd, but the Scout was a little odd, so he liked it. Aperture liked him, so surely they wouldn't mind him painting the boots a bit. Just for fun, he painted his bat as well and swung it around a couple times to dry it. Since he could swing hard enough to kill a bear with one hit, it worked pretty well.  
  
He then slipped into a store that smelled of perfume and angst. Alternative pop punk was playing. Perfect. He snatched some random clothes and ditched his beat-up bag for a cooler one. He tore the tags off of the clothes, stuffed them in the bag, and took off before he was seen. Outside it was getting darker, so Scout decided to find somehwere to camp out. He ran down the street at inhuman speeds, which for Scout was just his normal speed. He headed for the woods outside of town, which the residents were terrified of. Not for any particular reason, it's just a common fact that if there's a city with a forest nearby, people are afraid of the forest. Not Scout though. In fact, after crossing the barrier to get into the woods, he became the most dangerous thing in them. He didn't notice the curious stranger across the street with binoculars though. Surely they didn't matter.  
  
Scout found an abandoned camp, with a hammock still strung up and logs still gathered together in a makeshift fire pit. There were some wrappers and unopened snacks lying around, blankets, and even supplies that Scout gathered and put into his bag. Whoever was originally here, they left in a hurry. Why? He didn't actually care. He should have, but right now, he didn't.  
  
The first night was rough. It started raining around two in the morning, which woke him up. Scout had to roll off of his hammock and to the ground in order to take shelter underneath it. He didn't think he'd be able, but he fell asleep in a pile of leaves. He woke up once more at about six in the morning to the sound of rustling. He opened his eyes to see some gross looking man rummaging through his backpack. The man turned and tried to run off, but definitely underestimated how fast, and how strong, Scout really was. Scout dragged the man to the river, took his coat, washed it in the water, and then hung it up there to dry by the man's knocked out body. He left a sealed bag of muffins there as well. Scout didn't mind sharing food with homeless people, but he HATED having it stolen from him.  
  
Scout proceeded back to his camp, packed EVERYTHING, including the hammock, and wandered towards the city again. He'd return later that night. For now, he didn't want anything else stolen (even though everything Scout had on him WAS stolen). He made a mental note to return the stuff he'd taken later on, if they really WANTED the clothes back when he was done with them. By random luck, he came across a ten dollar bill on the ground. That could help when he runs out of food. Scout actually felt good about his situation now. Surviving was his thing, and he was going to do it.  
  
He was also oblivious to the stranger watching him through binoculars again.


	12. Homerun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look who we have hereeeee

Scout wandered around for a while until he came across a building that looked something like a middle school. Scout, who assumed he was around thirteen or fourteen in this body, figured it would be a good place to hang around since he looks as if he'd fit in. Groups of children flocked into the building. Most just glanced at him. Just like any other middle school, there were too many “weird kids' already to keep track of.   
  
He heard his headset suddenly crackle to life. “Scout? It's Engie. It's about two in the morning here... Everyone else is asleep, but I heard the alert that the connection fixed itself again. What time is it there, do you know?”  
  
“Er... about eight in the morning I'm guessing?”  
  
“Alright, so that's a six hour difference. Not too bad... Unless of course since you're in another dimension time won't work the same way and all... Well we don't really have to worry about that right now. We're working on finding a way to get you back safely, so don't worry. Try to enjoy yourself, but don't draw too much attention. This needs to stay a quiet miss-”  
  
The line fell, and Scout sighed. Now he'd have to wait for it to connect again. He couldn't complain though. It's a miracle that the headset could connect AT ALL to base.  
  
Scout bounced the braces of his boots on the ground. This would be much more fun if he had a portal gun to go with them... Or any kind of gun. His weapons other than the bat were missing.  
  
“Hey kid!”  
  
His train of thought was derailed as a stranger he'd never seen before walked up. He looked to be about Scout's age, and had a few other kids following behind him. Some were boys, some were girls. They all kinda had similar taste in fashion, so they were probably friends.   
  
“Uh, yeah?”  
  
The boy looked at Scout's boots, and his bat.  
  
“You uh, went into the woods last nigth and didn't come back out until the morning. You live in there or somethin?”  
  
Scout could tell that the kid was trying to decide whether to be mean or friendly. Scout took it as him being rude and replied, “Why? What's it to you?”  
  
“Just that... only uh... freaks live in the forest!”  
  
The kids behind the boy looked annoyed with him. One girl stepped forward and said, “Don't listen to him. He isn't good with new people. I'm Pauline by the way.”  
  
Scout squinted at her, and then back at the boy he'd just talked to. “...Huh. Nice name.” Thought started forming in Scout's head. “What's that kid's name?” He pointed at the first boy.  
  
“Oh him? We just call him by his nickname, which is Scout.”  
  
Scout, the ORIGINAL Scout's squint turned into a frown. “...Oh. Huh.” Pauline, and Scout? Surely the other eight wouldn't be called the same things HIS friends are called, right? That would be FAR too coincidental...


	13. Kidscout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> woo!

“So you're Pauline, you're Scout, who are the other guys?”  
  
“Everyone just goes by their nickname. This is Firebug, Justice, Techy, Chubs, Cyclops, Snipes, Snake, and Doc.”  
  
The original Scout made a weird expression. Oh boy, alternate versions of us, what a situation. He studied their appearances, and noticed the similarities. Kid Scout's Boston accent, teeth, and freckles were the same as Scout's.   
  
“Huh. Funny enough your nickname's Scout, 'cause mine is too.”  
  
Kidscout and his friends looked surprised at first. Kidscout crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. “Well you TALK the part but there can only be ONE Scout, and it's me.”  
  
“Nah, I know another Scout who looks pretty much identical to me.”  
  
Pauline pulled out a clipboard and appeared to be writing that down... Paulings will be Paulings no matter what dimension they're in it seems. Scout crossed one leg over the other, exposing the long-fall boots more. The group of kids looked down at them, interested expressions.  
  
“What's with your boots?” asked Pauline, bending down to get a closer look at them. Kidscout looked aggrivated to see Pauline paying so much attention to Scout.   
  
Scout stood up and leaned back on the velocity challenge braces. “These? They're nothing, it's just for show. I got a kinda weird fashion sense I guess you could say.”  
  
Pauline grinned and stood up straighter.  
  
“They look kinda like the long fall boots one of our friends designed once.”  
  
Scout blinked and tilted his head. Their friend...?  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“There's this game that our friends and I play.”  
  
“Pauline, don't tell him about the game!”  
  
“Why not? There's no harm in it.”  
  
Kidscout huffed and crossed his arms angrily. “Fine.”  
  
Pauline continued explaining, “In the game we're like, mercenaries. Well they are, I'm like an administrator type person. Except my friend Helen is the ACTUAL administrator. And we pretend that we're partners with like a science place, and they make these crazy cool things like portal guns and long fall boots.”  
  
Scout grinned upon hearing that explanation. No way, these kids are like, them, PRETENDING to be them?? No, that explanation wouldn't work. He'd have to tell Enie about this later. In this universe, there's only one team, and everything about their 'jobs' is a silly pretend game. That's pretty cool, actually...  
  
“So you said your nickname is also Scout?”  
  
“You bet.”  
  
“Hmm... Our Scout, do you mind going by another name?”  
  
“UH, Why does it have to be ME that goes by another name and not HIM?!”  
  
“Because he's a stranger and I don't want to tell a stranger to use a different name!!”  
  
“Ugh, FINE.”  
  
Scout smirked at kidscout and said, “I can call you Judas.”  
  
The other kids stopped, shocked. “How did you know my name...?”  
  
“I had a random feeling.”  
  
“You're pretty weird, Scout...”  
  
“Yeahhh.. I get that a lot. Anywho, don't you have school or something?”  
  
“Uh, duh, don't you?”  
  
“Nope.”


	14. Armed and Dangerous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> W O O o

As soon as the group of kids entered the building, Scout started walking away towards the town. He wouldn't totally ditch the kids, but he didn't exactly want to hang around them. However, befor he could get very far, a hand grabbed his arm and held him there. Scout turned around and saw the one nicknamed Snipes.  
  
“Uh, dont't YOU have school too?”  
  
“I'm homeschooled.”  
  
Scout nodded slowly, trying to tug his hand away. “Great, that's nice, what do you want?”  
  
Snipes let his hand go. “I saw you run into the woods last night, and you didn't come out until the morning.”  
  
“We established that a minute ago, yeah.”  
  
Snipes lowered his eyes and said “I've been through every inch of those woods. There's no house out there.”  
  
“I'm... camping.”  
  
“No room for tents either. The others may not have thought about it yet but I have. This ain't a coincidence. Who are you?”  
  
Scout put up his hands. “Hey, don't get so aggressive. I told you who I am. I'm Scout, and I'm camping in the woods.”  
  
“Don't believe that. There's too many deadly things in those woods. Would have been dead within the first hour if you're really camping out there.”  
  
“Oh, well, you see,”  
  
Before Scout needed to come up with a convincing lie, Pauline came running back outside. “I LEFT MY CLIPBOARD OUTSIDE, SNIPES HELP ME FIND IT.”  
  
“Why do I have to be the one to help?”  
  
“Because you're really good at finding things!”  
  
While Snipes was distracted, Scout took off running like he was planning on doing earlier. What an awkward encounter that he hopes will never occur again. He made a mental note to not let himself be caught alone with Snipes.  
  
Scout, hit with a sudden wave of hunger, picked up a muffin and sat in the little breakfast place where it came from. He glanced up at the news and saw a familiar sight. It was the homeless man from the forest that attempted to steal his stuff. He was being interviewed by a news crew. Scout stopped eating to pay closer attention.  
  
“It was just, some kid... Had weird shoes... Didn't know where he came from at all. Carrying around a bat. Fast as all hell. Dangerous too. I swears to ya, it's an alien! THEY'RE COMING FOR US, I CAN FEEL IT!!!!”  
  
The interviewer ordered one of the off-camera people to escort the man away. She then said,  
  
“Watch out for anyone that fits this description. They are armed, and they are dangerous.”  
  
Scout frowned. Wasn't he supposed to stay unnoticed....


	15. Lukewarm Day in Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry scoot

# ~~~~

If worse comes to worst, Scout could always rip off the boots and cliff himself. Then again, tearing off the boots sounded difficult and painful, as they almost replaced the lower half of his legs at this point. Removing the boots would result in broken legs, and he would be unable to properly and gracefully hurl himself off of a cliff. Scout refused to die looking like a rabies horse, and would must rather do it as a ballerina. It's futile to question his thinking process.  
  
Scout slipped away from the bar before anyone could recognize his description. He went back into the forest, but this time in a new location: underneath a tree's roots, a decently sized cave burrow. It would be impossible to see him from the outside, as the hole to get in was no bigger than a street-side sewer opening. It took little effort to get in because of his small size. Scout pulled the hammock blanket out of his bag and bunched it into the corner as a low-quality but good enough bed. He turned on the miniature lantern he had snatched earlier and leaned against the wall silently, listening to the wilderness noise around him.  
  
Once again, Scout was as aware as he was at the base earlier. Thinking about where he came from, his brothers, what was real and what wasn't. His existential crisis was halted as familiar voices started echoing around the forest.  
  
“And you can stop calling me Judas! That kid ran off and we're never gonna see him again!”  
  
“Did you hear what they said on the news?”  
  
“It was definitely him.”  
  
Scout couldn't explain why, but a terrible fear suddenly washed over him, as if his gut feeling was telling him to stay hidden. His instincts were screaming at him to remain still and quiet. If their Snipes was like the Snipers, then he'd be able to detect Scout easily if he were moving. So before they got any closer, he jammed his things into his bag, slipped it on, and sat completely still. Scout could just barely see the group in the short distance, and noticed that they were playing their mercenary game. Scout's eyes darted around as he watched them mimic a match, and noted how clumsily they moved. Of course, it was fine, because they weren't adults nor would they ever have to actually perform those feats.  
  
Scout thought he saw something else large moving around nearby the children, but ruled it off as his imagination. He smiled to himself as he heard their chatter.  
  
“You're dead!”  
  
“Nuh uh, Doc came and healed me!!!”  
  
“He can't just INSTANTLY heal you, that's impossible!!”  
  
“Yeah well I headshot you earlier and you did nothing!”  
  
“You can't just headshot EVERYONE!”  
  
“I can if I have a good enough aim!”  
  
“What's firebug signing?”  
  
“They said that you're all actually on fire right now.”  
  
“NOT FAIR!!!”  
  
Scout couldn't help but smile a bit. Within seconds though, Scout's decision making skills were put to the ultimate test. The large object he spotted earlier was definitely not just his imagination. He had two seconds, but he only needed one. He reached for his emergency atomic punch, downed it, grabbed his bat, and lunged forward. The children stopped and screamed multiple things all at once, some yelling Pauline's name, the others yelling “BEAR” as loud as they could. Time seemed to slow down complety for everyone. Everyone but the Scout that is. His atomic punch was definitely something special. The group of children only saw a blur and heard a sickening crack. Seconds passed, and time sped up once more. The bear was down, with Scout standing triumphantly on top of it.  
  
Scout looked down as the addreniline rush drained from his body. His heart sank as he noticed that the bat, his favorite bat, had been snapped in half. The sandman bat that his oldest brother had given him before he went off to join the military. The one he carried with him and fought for his life with, shattered in his hands.


	16. Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> w Wo wO

The kids stood shocked, in awe. Scout stuffed the broken bat into his backpack and just said, “Reminds me of the time we were stuck in Sibera. Solly ended up naked and covered in honey, pyro had probably a billion t-shirts on, and I beat a bear with the crusty femur bone of Amelia Earhart. There was also a hotdog costume involved...”  
  
“JUST LIKE US!!! In one of our pretend games, we did exactly that... Weird...”  
  
Snipes glared at Scout and hissed “Told ya he ain't normal. He's probably a stalker or something...”  
  
“Why don't we ask the Magician?”  
  
Scout grinned slightly. “The Magician? Lemme guess, he wears a black cloak-lookin' thing and a weird ram skull thing on his head that may or may not be real?”  
  
Pauline beamed, obviously impressed with this mysterious stranger. “Yes!!! Exactly like that!!! He owns the magic shop in town!! His magic isn't EXACTLY real but he understands things like this! Maybe he can help!”  
  
“We are NOT bringing this weirdo to the Magician.”  
  
Meanwhile back at the RED base, Engie and Spy were crouched over two of Merasmus' magic books.  
  
“Let's try this...”  
  
Spy recited one of the spells, and suddenly the book Engie was holding disappeared.  
  
“....Oh.”  
  
“Huh. Wonder where that ended up. Anyways I'm going to go see if the connection is back up.”  
  
Scout was whacked in the face as the large magic book suddenly poofed above him. The book knocked his headset off, sending it to the ground and crushing them.  
  
“Well shit.”  
  
He jumped down from the bear and lifted the book, which was suffed with papers and sticky notes with little helpful reminders written by engie about which spells have exactly which effects. Rather than just saying the name of the spell and something like “Floating Spell” after it, Engie had scribbled notes about how it effected each merc and body type of a human being.   
  
“Thank God I got the nerd's book and not one from like Soldier, which would have pages missing and crayon writing everywhere....”  
  
“Holy crap, where did that even come from?! And what is it?!”  
  
Scout grinned and read the first spell, which caused the book to float above the user's hands.   
  
“WAIT THAT'S REAL MAGIC”  
  
“Can someone just explain what the HELL is going on here?”  
  
Scout then shouted, “ALRIGHT EVERYONE SHUT UP. Sorry about that. Yeah, I should probably explain. I'm not really from around here. Nowhere close. In fact, a good estimate might be a few billion light years away. There was a weird accident and now I'm here.”  
  
“Like we'd believe THAT one.”  
  
“JUDAS HE'S LITERALLY USING MAGIC.”  
  
“SO?! The magician uses magic all the time!!”  
  
“Yeah but his is probably FAKE!”  
  
While they were arguing, Scout grabbed his stuff and started running in the other direction. Someone used a spell and got this book here. A dimensional travelling spell type deal. He had a magic book now stuffed with spells. Engie had only picked halfway through it, the rest was his to test. 


	17. New Place

With a simple cast of a spell, Scout was gone. Gone, but not home. He suddenly felt at peace, as if all of his worry had been stripped away. He looked around, eyes drooping. He was floating in the air above a field of pinkish, soft grass blowingy gently by a breeze. The sky was yellow golden and dotted with a few clouds, but other than that, there was nothing. Nothing but the sound of faint music that lulled him to relaxation.  
  
Wherever he was, he didn't want to leave. He felt the book slipping out of his hands, so he quickly shoved it into his bag and went back to his mid-air meditation. The only word that came to his mind was “serenity.”   
  
Never in his life had he experienced this kind of peace. For the past few years of his life, every night had been a waiting game. No real sleep happened until they locked their doors. But this, this complete lack of alarm, was a whole new sensation. Scout loved it. In this moment, he had no cares. He was as light as air here. He felt safe, as if an unseen blanket of protection had been pulled over him. Then without warning, he dropped into the grass, and reappeared by falling from an opened portal in the ceiling of a familiar building  
  
“HELL-”  
  
He slammed into the floor on his back and stared up at the ceiling, dazed. He watched the portal close, and laid there. He already felt a sense of immense loss and depression. Way to go, Scout. He could hear the sound of footsteps thundering down the halls towards him. Who was it this time?   
  
Thankfully, the familiar figures of Spy, Miss Pauling, Engie, Medic, and.... Merasmus.... were standing over him.  
  
“Scout, you're back!!”  
  
Engie pulled him up from the ground and shook him violently.  
  
“WHY IN THE HELL DIDN'T YOU RESPOND TO THE CALLS?!”  
  
Scout dug his smashed headset from his bag and presented it to the angry engineer. “So your book appeared and knocked it right off my head-”  
  
“Wait, my book?”  
  
“The magic book with all your notes in it n' stuff.”  
  
“YOU MEAN YOU GOT THAT?!”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
Merasmus rolled his eys and held up his hands. “Please. Let the wizard explain the magical book. Here, let me see it.”  
  
Scout pulled the book from his back and handed it over, feeling another pang of abandonment as it left his hands. Merasmus scanned the book cover and sighed. “Well it's not my book anymore, that's for sure.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
He handed it back to scout, and potined to the large, golden Scout class symbol on the cover.   
  
“This book is actually different from all of my others. It's the one that made your respawn machine throw a temper tantrum. I had to admit that I had NO IDEA what I was doing when it happened. You're pretty much the only one that can use it now.”  
  
“YOU MEAN IM A WIZARD NOW?!”  
  
“...Well in a sense, yes?”  
  
Spy then butted in, “Are you telling me that the most unstable member of our team has MAGIC now?”  
  
“Well it wasn't ME who gave him magic it was the book!”  
  
“The book is sentient?”  
  
“Kind of? As sentient as a magical book can be I guess? Scout, did you end up in a weird floaty place that a middle school boy would describe as 'relentlessly gay'?”  
  
“You mean the pink and yellow flowery place?”  
  
“Yeah you've been there. That's yours.”  
  
“Mine?”  
  
“That old book isn't the usual eldritch like all of my other possessions... There's a silly little fairytale about this book that tells about some young princess that was sacrificed by her mother, blah blah, fed to a pit of darkness, the usual. So apparently she 'found herself' down in that pit and gave herself to the spirit world or whatever. Then wrote this book full of spells, hid it, I bought it with money borrowed from the secret Arctic underground, and then I cast a spell with it, the ball of energy hit a mirror and then bounced off of more oddly placed mirrors until it ended up hitting your respawn.”  
  
“Why doesn't magic affect mirrors?”  
  
“Because mirrors are doorways, obviously.”  
  
“They...Are?”  
  
“Scout you're a wizard now, you should know these things.”  
  
“It's not like anyone's TOLD me before!”


	18. Blueprints

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> planning

# ~~~~

The RED team finally opened their doors, but not for fighting. BLU and RED agreed on a solid cease-fire for now, until this situation was solved. That night, they held a party to celebrate multiple occasions. Scout beomming a wizard, RED opening their doors again, and Medic solving the constant drifting situation. The Pyros made cake, the Spies and Demomen cooked, the scouts decorated, and the snipers chose the music. Merasmus and Miss Pauling was there, but there was a familiar lack of the administrator. Music filled the air. The snipers had a list of their personal favorites; swing and jazz. RED and BLU were satisfied, and happy. That was until, Merasmus pulled RED Scout off to the side.  
  
“I just remembered the uh... downsides to the magic book.”  
  
Scout frowned slightly, a feeling of concern washing over him. “Downsides? What downsides? Am I gonna turn into an old man like you?”  
  
“After six thousand years, you're most likely going to look like this too. But no, sadly, that is not what I meant. I mean that if that book gets too far away from you there may be terrible consequences.”  
  
“Like what?”  
  
“Well, there's an energy source inside the book that has attatched itself to your soul. If it gets too far, the book will... forcibly tear your soul from your body and you will become a ghost with most likely no chance of respawn.”  
  
“....Oh. Well uh, that doesn't actually sound too great, not gonna lie. Of course I wait for the sweet embrace of permanent death daily but having my soul torn out is definitely not on my 'okay ways to punch the ticket' list.”  
  
“Right. Now. The book itself is the body of the magical energy. The magical energy CAN be transfered to another container, in order to keep it on you. The book itself must remain protected though, as it's something of a 'base of operations' if you will. What I'm trying to say is that you can keep the magical energy contained in something with you while the book remains locked in a safe place. You already know all of the spells, thanks to it literally attatching to your soul. If the book is destroyed, you'll probably explode. You'll explode a little less if you detach the magic energy from the book.”  
  
“....O h.”  
  
“So what I was going to suggest was having your science friends hook something up. And I, of course, the world's strongest magician, will aid with the transfer of the magical energy.”  
  
“You mean like, a magic harness almost?”  
  
“Pretty much.”  
  
After the party had ended, Medic, Engie, Scout, Merasmus, and Miss Pauling were crowded in Engie's workshop. On the table were multiple items, including things like canteens, jars, different sapper models, medigun parts, and other odd and ends found around the base.  
  
“So, Scout. What do you want to constantly be strapped to your body at all times?”  
  
“Anything, as long as it doesn't look stupid.”  
  
Merasmus then cut in, “Maybe we should consider a few things first.”  
  
“Like?”  
  
“Manual control panel. Switching the magical core on and off manually might help with Scout just starting to learn how to use magic. Believe me when I say that I know from nasty experienece that magic accidents aren't very pleasant.”  
  
“So a manual control panel, got it. Anything else?”  
  
“Make it be able to play music.”  
  
“Scout why would we need it to-”  
  
“We don't NEED it to do much of anything but if it's going to be strapped to my body at least make it cool!”  
  
“What makes you think we want you to enjoy this?”  
  
“Talk shit, get hit.”  
  
“Will everyone just simmer down a bit?” After the room fell silent, Engie sighed. “Thank you. Now. Scout may be onto something there. How useful do you think it would be to have a fully functional magical computer running around, huh?”  
  
“You have a point...”  
  
“And Scout likes to draw a lot too... Hmm... I've got an idea, actually. Medic, can ya ask Heavy to bring the dispenser from outside in here? I'm gonna need the screens on it.”  
  
Medic obeyed, and Heavy brought the machine in only minutes later. “Alright y'all, let's get this show on the road.”


	19. Brace yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lol

_

“Can't we just make it small and un-noticable?”

“No, there's too much energy to make it too small.”

“So we can't just make some fancy headset or tags?”

“No, because the tags aren't necessarily attatched to you and a headset might blow your ears out. Since the lower half of your body is obviously the strongest I suggest we put it there.”

“Like, a belt?”

“Pretty much. Since you already seem to have some other type of technology stuck to your feet, the best was can do is the rest of your legs.”

Engie swept the mechanical objects to the floor and pulled a large sheet of white paper over the table. “How about we draw a blueprint then? Now I can draw machines but I can't draw people.” He handed his pencil to Scout and said, “Go on. Draw yourself as accurately as possible.”

Scout nodded and did so, sketching a decent image of himself.

“Thanks!” Engie leaned over the sketch and tapped his pencil against the drawing's belt line. “It can't be too big because it will affect Scout's job. It can't be too small or else he won't be able to use it. We can't have it too weak either, or else we'll have a LOT of equipment breaking whenever Scout lands on his side.”

“But I can't land on my side, I can only land on my feet.”

“Right, the boot's brain signals. However, I had an idea for making the boots attatched to the device, and not only that, I can also try to make them easily removable in a way that they aren't actually attatched to your feet anymore.”

Scout grinned slightly. Being able to take the boots off and put them on made him pretty damn happy. “Can you make them connected but also detatchable? Then I can wear the box without the boots.”

“You know I love a good challenge. You won't be able to use the boots without the box though.”

“Yeah I figured. Okay, go on.”

“Right. So it can't be too weak, but we also don't want it to protected that we can't break it in case of an emergency. Say it starts acting up and might explode. The only way to defuse it would be to destroy it. If it's attatched to Scout and can't be removed in time, then we all know what will happen.”

“Won't I just respawn?”

“Maybe. Who knows what'll happen if magic explodes?”

Merasmus raised a hand and then muttered “I do.”

Engie rolled his eyes and continued,

“Actually, in that case, I could try to make a release switch. One that only us in this room know of. Some pattern of buttons, some combination or something that'll cause the thing to unhinge itself and pop right off. We can't tell anyone else though, just in case...”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Alright boys, let's get a sketch going.”

Hours passed, full of arguing, erasing, agreement, and drawing. By 11:00 PM, Miss Pauling had left and Medic returned to the medbay. Scout was sitting on a cabinet in the corner. He glanced over and said, “Merasmus, don't you have some YMCA to get back to?”

“How did you know I live in a YMCA? That information is classified!”

“Because I carry the mail from the base to the post office. I saw a letter on top for you, addressed to a YMCA.”

Engie pulled his goggled back and lowered his eyes. “You should get going. I'm gonna start working on this, and try to get it done by tonight.”

Merasmus didn't hesitate and left quickly, while Scout remained on the cabinet. Engie took the measuring tape from his toolbelt and said, “Get down from there, I gotta measure you.”

While being measured, Scout muttered something along the lines of “well this isn't awkward at all.”

Engie probably told him to grow up, but Scout couldn't tell. He realized quickly that it was because he was falling asleep. Rather than going back to his own room, he wandered over to the bundle of tarps in the corner and laid down on them. He closed his eyes, promising himself that he would only rest for a bit, but quickly fell into a deep sleep to the sounds of the workshop shutting down. 

At 8:00 AM, Scout awoke to sunlight hitting his face. He rubbed his eyes and sat up. He paused when he heard slight mechanical sounds while moving. Scout looked down at himself slowly, and his eyes widened. There was a brace-like machine around his right leg that resembled a T-Scope hip brace of some sort. It went around his waist and then down to his right knee. There were also two wires connected to the screen on his hip; one that went down the brace and connected to his right boot, and another that went along the belt and down his left leg, connected to his left boot. The machine itsels was hardly a machine, so Scout decided to simply call it a brace. He bent his legs slowly, and grinned wider as the joints of the brace easily followed his movements. No problems there. He tapped the screen attatched by his hip and watched as it turned on. The screen was covered in a thin but tough plastic that allowed for a touchscreen, but definitely wouldn't be cracking easily. He touched one of the buttons on the screen and felt excitement wash over him. It was a drawing program. How engie managed this, he had no idea. Then again, Australia had some pretty advanced stuff, so this wasn't too surprising. He tugged out the stylus anyways and scribbled on it.

“....Coooool!”

Scout stood up and then looked down as a note fluttered to the floor. He bent over and read,

“Scout,

This is merasmus. Though I assume from the glowing green writing on black paper, you already assumed that. That is unimportant! I wanted to tell you that I visited this morning and your short texan friend had finished the Magic Containment Brace. I'm genuinely shocked he did it so fast without the help of magic. Maybe I should have persued a different career. Even though my destiny was chosen long ago that is.... That is beside the point. Go ahead and tell the magic to inhabit the screen container of the Magic Containment Brace, or the MCP for short. Don't actually tell it with words, that would make you look like a fool.

-Merasmus the Magician”

Scout shrugged and lifted the magical book from the floor where he had left it. 

“Well, let's see ift his works.”


	20. Merasmus Merasmus Merasmus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scout gets another wizard lesson

# Mem

“So? How's the brace?”  
  
“Well I haven't exploded yet so compared to everything else on base that could potentially blow me up, I'd say the brace is pretty damn good. Plus I can still run and bend my legs so there's nothing wrong there, and the magic actually transfered way more easily than I thought.”  
  
Engie grinned, happy with his engineering triumph. A machine of science that can contain magic? Incredible. The two men were sitting in the kitchen with Demo, Pyro, Medic, and Spy. Pyro and Demo were distracted by the stove, that had something that resembled a cup of burning dirt.  
  
“What kind of abilities do you have now anyways? Can you control your drifting? Can you teleport? Levitate? Travel through time?!”  
  
Scout glanced at Medic and set his mug of milk down slowly.  
  
“Don't really know yet. But I know time doesn't exist, right? Yeah. I remember you even saying that.”  
  
Medic blushed, embarassed and muttered, “Only asking.”  
  
“Have you tried anything yet?” Spy asked, rolling his knife on its edge. “Or are you waiting for Merasmus to return?”  
  
“Waiting for Merasmus. If I screw somethin up, he should be here to fix it.”  
  
“Not sure how much we should trust Merasmus with... 'fixing' things. Isn't he the reason we've all ended up like this in the first place?”  
  
“Well yeah but he didn't TRY to. It's like the one time when Solly filled the base with bread and then there was that big tentacle bread monster that ate Miss Pauling and I? Sure it isn't the WEIRDEST thing that's happened on base so it's probably easy to forget but still.”  
  
“Oui. How much magic DO you know?”  
  
“Well, I CAN do this...”  
  
Scout began to float, and then flipped upside down.  
  
“˙unɟ s,ʇᴉ ʇnq ƃuᴉʎzzᴉp sʇǝƃ ʇI”  
  
“Get down from there, Scout.”  
  
“˙ɹǝʌǝʇɐɥM ˙ǝuᴉɟ 'ǝuᴉℲ”  
  
Scout slowly started to spin back around. “┴ɥɐʇ,s ɥᴉlɐɹᴉonsly fun by the way. I might try to sleep like that.”  
  
“The blood will rush to your brain, won't it?”  
  
“Nope. Magic.”  
  
“Right, magic breaks all laws of reality. Noted. Can you control your dimensional travel?”  
  
“Actually I have no idea.. Never tried it. Maybe I can ask Merasmus about it-”  
  
Speak of the devil, Merasmus appeared in his sleeping robe. “Ugh, what is it?! What do you want-?! OH it's you all again.”  
  
The mercs tited their heads in confusion. “Why are you still in your robe?”  
  
“I just woke up and was making myself some tea. Don't you know that you summon a wizard by saying his name three times?”  
  
“Not gonna lie, that's pretty stupid.”  
  
“I did NOT come here to have my wizard practices insulted! Especially not by a student wizard like you. Respect your elder wizards!”  
  
Scout rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall. “Oh right, I was supposed to ask you about somethin'. So basically I was wondering if I'm able to like... control my dimensional travel? 'Cause honestly that sounds great and I'd love to be able to do that.”  
  
“Well remember that place that I described as 'Relentlessly gay'? That place operates as a kind of hub; Your own pocket dimension of sorts. It basically connects you to the innerworkings of the universe. The spell I accidentally cast on your teammates respawn machine came from the book that chose you as the owner. Unlike your teammates, you can weild the ability because of how it has connected itself to your soul. Long story short that pocket dimension is like your own customizable train station with tracks that lead to any dimension you could think of, thanks to the endless multiverse. It sounds confusing, I know, but after 6,000 years of magic practice you'll learn that magic itself is a reality warping entity that literally does not care what science thinks.”  
  
“Customizable?”  
  
“Your book isn't the only book like it. There are many others, and the wizards chosen by them each have their own customizable pocket dimensions like yours. Of course all of them are genius teachers with YEARS of magical study and excellence, not some runt of the pack child from Boston.”  
  
“You may be a super old wizard guy but your weird book chose ME so obviously I did something right.”  
  
Merasmus scoffed and pulled his nightcap back slightly. “I suppose you're RIGHT. Now is this all you needed or are you going to continue to blather on about pointless matters?”  
  
“Rude much? Nah, you go on and get outta here.”  
  
Merasmus turned to leave and then stopped himself.  
  
“Oh, and you may be hunted.”  
  
“Uh, HUNTED?!”  
  
“Come on Scout you really should know these things. People all over hunt wizards and witches alike, ESPECIALLY the dimensional travel ones. In the past there's been kings and people like that who enslaved young dimensional travelers and made them rob other dimensions for them? I probably should have warned you about all of the risks sooner but listen, there's a easy way out of it. If you see anyone threatening you can just hop yourself back into your own pocket dimension before they can put a blocker on you.”  
  
“God damn... wait, blockers?”  
  
“Scout for the last time you're a wizard and these are common things I'm telling you about. Blockers are things that are exactly as they sound; they blog magic. People have used them to stop wizards for centuries. They're like switches that they embed painfully into some part of your body so it stops the magic flow from your core of your spirit to the outside of your body. It's pretty complicated stuff. I think nowadays they're much smalled and actually shootable, which makes escaping them a lot more difficult. I actually have three on me but being an experienced wizard I was able to disable them. By that I mean I put myself under a press and almost crushed myself to death in order to just crack one of those stubborn little things.”  
  
“...Oh.”  



End file.
